ADVICE ON GETTING & GIVING ADVICE
By John Ingrisano on Jul 27, 2009 in Hot Biz Tips
“You know what you should do?” When I hear that question – which the asker is going to answer, whether I like it or not — I cringe and start looking for the exit. That’s because the person so eager to offer advice almost invariably hasn’t a clue about what I do, need or want.
This is not to say that I dislike good advice. I cherish it. I value mentors and appreciate hearing ideas from men and women who have been there, who have done that, and who have something to share. In fact, I’ve found over the years that the quickest way to success in a new endeavor is to find a good mentor, one who is willing to share what he or she has learned … and then sit back, tape my own mouth shut and just listen.
Kicker # 1: Almost invariably, an advisor worth listening to is one who waits to be asked, not the bozo who looks for every opportunity to share unsolicited advice. This is a person (the bozo, that is) who usually wants to show me how bright he or she is and bore me into a coma … never coughing up a single shred of advice from which I can benefit.
Kicker # 2: Too often, when someone asks ME for advice or feedback on a project, idea, or piece of writing, my reaction is the same – I cringe and try to slink away. Then I change the subject and pray I succeed in keeping it changed. However, if a person persists, and I eventually give in, I usually regret it.
Why? Because, in most cases, the last thing these folks want is advice. They want to talk at me, bore me, make me pretend to listen as they drone on and on (another coma moment) about their pie-in-the-sky dream project. In other words, these could be the exact same people who want to offer me advice. Then if I make even a minor suggestion (dumb dumb dumb), you’d think I’d passed gas by the look of oh-don’t-you-get-it? that marches across their face, as they then launch into a 20-minute explanation/justification about how I am wrong.
That eager advice seeker (or advice giver, for that matter) almost never has the slightest desire to hear anything I have to offer, but instead to just talk about how brilliant his or her own idea is (and usually it’s not). Or, like a dope, I end up taking some serious time to review an idea and put my thoughts down on paper … only to find that if my comments are anything other than “I loved it from start to finish,” I am dismissed (along with my intelligence, my mother, my haircut, and my motives) with a defensive, well-that’s-just-your-opinion response.
The bottom line: Be very, very, very, very (you getting this yet?), very, very careful about who you get advice from and even more so about to whom you give advice.
John Ingrisano
204 Lakeview Drive
Algoma, WI 54201
(920) 559-3722
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Dennis | Jul 27, 2009 | Reply
Only accept advice that was sought.
Social Tool | Apr 14, 2010 | Reply
That’s very true. Giving and taking advices is such a complicated process. Sometimes it’s a hypocritical cycle; of an advice giver not being able to actually live their own words, or an advice taker who doesnt neccesarily wants a shred of outside insight.